I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
