He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
