oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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