I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
