I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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