I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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