help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize