So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
