It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
