I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
