then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize