I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Found your dick twin last night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
