Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
