the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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