Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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