I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
