I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let's get the cat blown out
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
