Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
time to smoke my breakfast
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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