i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
