She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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