Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
