C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
