Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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