I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize