just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
