And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
