Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
