so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
