he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
