Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
