I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
