I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize