Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
