I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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