I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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