he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Randomize
