Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
