Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
