its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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