then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
