this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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