Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
smell my finger.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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