the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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