You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I could make wine with my vomit
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
ttyl tear gas
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
