K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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