it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
