Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
