did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
