just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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