and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
