I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
