Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
