dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
