redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just pee around me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize