Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
