the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
