My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
