The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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