i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
