he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
