Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
