Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Floor bacon is actually really good
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
