Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
