Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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