The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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