I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
