He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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