I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
