so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
