I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
