chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
