just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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