i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
