I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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