Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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