omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
