he wants to bone in the snuggie
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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