our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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