Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
