She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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