If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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