HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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