the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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