Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
