He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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